Hi, my name is Doug and I am a telepath. Now before you go saying “oh that’s so awesome!” or “what’s it like to have a superpower?” let me tell you now that it sucks. I read people’s minds all the time, even—no, especially, when I don’t want to. Now this is not as exciting as you might think because I mainly hear the most mundane things that people think about. Stuff like “did I lock the door this morning?” or “this underwear really chaffs.” Now there are the rare times when I hear some juicy stuff and man does that rock. One time I heard this guy thinking about how to juggle his time between his wife, his mistress (who was his boss’s wife by the way), and his best male friend who he was also sleeping with. I almost admired him for having so much energy. Then there was this one girl who kept stealing money from her father to give to her half-brother who was on the streets because his mother died and their father wouldn’t even dare acknowledge his existence. Talk about family drama!


        There was one mind unfortunately that I never should have read, that maniac Victor’s. I was on the bus heading to work like any other day when I heard someone counting numbers. “1, 2, 3, 4”clear as day, like no one was listening. At first I thought someone was counting aloud but when I listened closer I realized that it was coming from someone’s mind. Then I saw him, a well-dressed man sitting by the window, just counting away as he stared at the scenery outside. Suddenly he stopped counting and turned directly toward me, looking me dead in the eye as he finished his thought: “That’s four dead bodies buried in my back yard, and you, my telepathic friend, will make five.” I quickly turned my head and moved as far away from him as I could, exiting the bus as soon as it hit the next stop. It’s not like I was trying to read his mind but it just happened and now he won’t leave me alone.


        A week has gone by now and I hear him in my head all the time. You see, he is a telepath but one much stronger than me. After our meeting on the bus that day he proceeded to tell me his name and how happy he was to meet another telepath. Victor was also quick to share his life story with me about how he was abused by his family as a child and how he subsequently murdered them all for their transgressions against him, though still insisting that he loved them regardless. The maniac seems to have made some sort of twisted connection with me and now he hounds me every minute of every day. Lately he’s been invading my dreams killing me in all sorts of horrific ways, every time telling me he loves me just before snuffing out my life. As you might imagine these nightmares have me waking up in cold sweats, checking myself for wounds in the places where he dealt the final blow time and time again.


        If’s that’s not enough the freak can also move things with his mind. After coming home from work I often find things out of place, like a picture on my wall has been moved or my silverware is in the wrong cabinet. I always thought it was him but I got proof yesterday when I moved a plant from my living room to my kitchen only to see it float back to the living room table with mental message from Victor that it “looked better there.” He’s not only a telepath but it seems he’s telekinetic too, or at least I think that’s what they call it. Anyway I’d better get going, I can see Victor staring at me through my window and I think he’d only make my death a slow one if I kept him waiting. Sigh, I hate being a telepath.

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